Too Uncool for School [Hey, You!]
Great robocall system you have—it's a real drunk dialer. Yes, like everyone else for the past four years, I'm tremendously interested in Varsity Cleat Week and can't wait to find out more about awkward...
View ArticleBaby Face [Hey, You!]
You are the disheveled clerk at our neighborhood grocery store who looks as though you sleep next to the carrots in the warehouse. On one of our trips, you reached into the pile of crud you had swept...
View ArticleDumb Passengers [Hey, You!]
To the people sitting behind me on a recent flight out of John Wayne Airport: What was so funny about the pilot's accent? During his welcome, you snickered as if he's dumb because of his pronunciation...
View ArticleBad Tenant [Hey, You!]
You are the little tweaker slut who took advantage of your aunt's ex-husband when he allegedly gave you permission to stay in his house. The cock-and-bull story you gave him about your renewed...
View ArticleHead Case [Hey, You!]
You are the flight attendant who did not follow your own advice to slowly open the overhead bins because items inside get jostled during flights. How do I know? Because I got conked when you quickly...
View ArticlePhone Faux Pas [Hey, You!]
You are the young woman who walked into our dentist's office and sat down on the couch opposite me to wait for your appointment. I am the older man who was sitting in a big chair, checking messages on...
View ArticleCheck Your Food [Hey, You!]
You were the old guy sitting next to my Latino family at El Torito, presumably with your wife, on Father's Day. We were trying our best to celebrate our dad despite having to hear you loudly discuss...
View ArticleDog's Best Friend [Hey, You!]
You were the heavy-set older guy in the navy cap who always used to walk your lion-sized canine around the block and would give my puppy free treats, so he'd squeal as soon as he saw you coming. For an...
View ArticleHit and Dumb [Hey, You!]
You are the person who rear-ended me on the freeway from a dead stop after our traffic lane had slowed for construction. I'm not sure if your foot slipped or you thought our lane was moving, but you...
View ArticleParking Problems [Hey, You!]
You are the idiot who thought it was somehow okay to park on the corner of an intersection while you ran in to a coffee shop to grab yourself a cup of joe. No, that is not okay. It is also not okay to...
View ArticleLoan Moan [Hey, You!]
You are the online loan company that got me the money I needed lickety-split. You even kept requesting to give me more cash over the months. (I refused.) It must have come as a shock to you when I...
View ArticleTip Secret [Hey, You!]
You were the barmaid at the little Long Beach club hosting Paint Nite. My friend and I had gotten there early and were directed to the bar. Our drinks arrived quickly, but as the time for us to move...
View ArticleARTIC Chill [Hey, You!]
You are the grumpy, secretive, uninformed employees working in the transportation center. Your job is to provide helpful information to customers trying to utilize civilized public transportation....
View ArticleNot Caught Stealing [Hey, You!]
I knew you were watching me, just waiting to give me problems as I set up my tripod on what I believe is a public trail to take some time-lapses of the stunning thunderheads above the San Gabriels from...
View ArticleHungry Hipster [Hey, You!]
You were the hipster Fullerton college student asking me if I "have any change to help get a bite to eat." I was the guy that honestly said, "Sorry, no change," then walked into Wahoo's—only to come...
View ArticleNo Limits [Hey, You!]
You're the driver who doesn't know what a street limit line is about. Here's the law: You stop at a limit line, then check left and right for pedestrians. Also, you stop at the limit line to let the...
View ArticleBad Hair Day [Hey, You!]
Something started to go horribly wrong at the end of my 15-minute haircut. Everything you tried to do to fix it just made it worse. But I couldn't get too upset because I've been in your shoes before,...
View ArticleBathroom Blackout [Hey, You!]
You are the conscientious co-workers who oh-so-thoughtfully turn off the light when you are done taking a leak in the men's bathroom. It's really impressive how careful you are to make sure the lights...
View ArticleFree Joe [Hey, You!]
You are the person who was working the drive-through speaker system at a coffee shop on a particularly busy weekday morning. I was probably stuck behind six or seven cars, with at least that many...
View ArticleBeating Hearts [Hey, You!]
I was just cruising along on my way home, and I heard this motorcycle come up behind me to the left. As any good driver, I looked up to see where the bike was, but you caught my eye. You had beautiful,...
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