You Blow at Driving
Kudos to you, landscaping guy. You were brilliant to mount your industrial-size leaf blower on the utility box behind the cab of your maintenance truck so you could drive and blow at the same time....
View ArticleInfernally Ragless
Hey, you voracious OC Weekly readers in Old Towne Orange! It was only Saturday morning, and I went to four different newspaper boxes in the area, and they were all EMPTY! I cannot imagine the fine...
View ArticleGorilla Flotilla
You were the road ragers who followed a single, senior woman from Seal Beach into Long Beach until I pulled into a gas station to call 911. At first, I thought you were yelling at someone else to make...
View ArticleNice Teeth
You were the beautiful, handsome male stranger with lovely teeth and a husky. We met briefly months ago at dog beach and chit-chatted about homeless bums fighting on the pier. I was crying, wearing a...
View ArticleThanks for Clearing the Air
You were the two teenaged smokers leaning against the car parked next to mine. As I exited the Ralphs on Harbor Boulevard in Fullerton a few weeks ago, I spied you from the door and thought, "Great....
View ArticlePocket-Change Pregnancy
You're the guy—white, mid-20s, scruffy, Sears poncho, eau de Brookhurst—who mumbled something as I was walking into Target the other night. "What?" I asked. "Spare some change so I can buy my...
View ArticleLate-Night Losers
I was working late in my downtown Santa Ana studio one night when I heard you and your Neanderthal friends banging loudly on the walls and roll-up gates of the businesses directly across the street....
View ArticleHey, You: Lost and Found
I was the idiot who lost his wallet at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport and didn't realize it until I landed at John Wayne Airport; your husband was the man who found my wallet. You were the...
View ArticleHey, You! Baby On Boat
Your family boarded the boat to Catalina late on a chilly morning, after the majority of the interior seats were taken. At first, you left an older woman on her own in one of the last seats on the...
View ArticleHey, You! Sleeping Santa
We were the couple who went to see Santa at the Westminster Mall not long ago. We were standing in line when our 6-month-old baby fell asleep. When we got up to you, I asked you if you could just hold...
View ArticleBeach Blabber
You are not the first, but you are definitely among the ever-increasing numbers of totally inconsiderate people who are ruining the beach with your solipsistic stupidity! You wear earbuds and talk on...
View ArticleGhosts of Disneylands Past
You are the driver who forced me to slam on my brakes and lock them up in the rain when you suddenly stopped in front of me in the middle of a Ball Road green light so you could quickly steer your...
View ArticleJheri Curl Baby Meets a Newport Beach Bitch
My friend's baby is half-black, half-Mexican and all cute. He has an amazing Jheri curl that reflects his roots. You were the rich, white, female stranger who went up to my friend and her baby at...
View ArticleHowdy, Stranger!
I was in the car behind my boyfriend's when you sped up to him from 500 feet away on an empty street in Tustin. For some reason, you were irked that he had turned right at a stoplight, even though it...
View ArticleYou Deserve the Chair
The new year should mean a new beginning, but unfortunately, the same morons who were driving in 2015 are still on the streets of OC. Absolutely no empathy for the person who must be in a wheelchair....
View ArticleMicro-Aggression Alert!
You were all gathered by a cubicle, killing time by gossiping about last night's studio session with Macy Gray. One of you wondered how many years the singer was pushing, so you hollered over to me,...
View ArticleTank Half-Full
It was another lovely day in the office when I overheard your tirade about gas prices, stock markets and interest rates. It was difficult to ascertain your voice over the sounds of the Black Lips, but...
View ArticleEyes Cody
You were the drama queen who blew into the hospital waiting area and insisted the TV be turned on immediately, without any regard for anybody else's peace of mind, just so you could have some kind of...
View ArticleFive-Dollar Tantrum
I was the brown guy waiting in line with my partner at the IKEA cafeteria. You were the middle-aged white woman with a sensible sweater and a designer handbag. As the line formed in a strange way, you...
View ArticleRIP, GOP!
You are the suit in the black Prius with the bumper sticker supporting Trump for president. I'm trying to imagine a world in which the president of the United States is also one of our least diplomatic...
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