Loan Moan [Hey, You!]
You are the online loan company that got me the money I needed lickety-split. You even kept requesting to give me more cash over the months. (I refused.) It must have come as a shock to you when I...
View ArticleTip Secret [Hey, You!]
You were the barmaid at the little Long Beach club hosting Paint Nite. My friend and I had gotten there early and were directed to the bar. Our drinks arrived quickly, but as the time for us to move...
View ArticleARTIC Chill [Hey, You!]
You are the grumpy, secretive, uninformed employees working in the transportation center. Your job is to provide helpful information to customers trying to utilize civilized public transportation....
View ArticleNot Caught Stealing [Hey, You!]
I knew you were watching me, just waiting to give me problems as I set up my tripod on what I believe is a public trail to take some time-lapses of the stunning thunderheads above the San Gabriels from...
View ArticleHungry Hipster [Hey, You!]
You were the hipster Fullerton college student asking me if I "have any change to help get a bite to eat." I was the guy that honestly said, "Sorry, no change," then walked into Wahoo's—only to come...
View ArticleNo Limits [Hey, You!]
You're the driver who doesn't know what a street limit line is about. Here's the law: You stop at a limit line, then check left and right for pedestrians. Also, you stop at the limit line to let the...
View ArticleBad Hair Day [Hey, You!]
Something started to go horribly wrong at the end of my 15-minute haircut. Everything you tried to do to fix it just made it worse. But I couldn't get too upset because I've been in your shoes before,...
View ArticleBathroom Blackout [Hey, You!]
You are the conscientious co-workers who oh-so-thoughtfully turn off the light when you are done taking a leak in the men's bathroom. It's really impressive how careful you are to make sure the lights...
View ArticleLoud Library [Hey, You!]
The days of quiet peace in the library is rare with weird patrons amuk. At the Mariners Library in Newport Beach, I heard a man eating granola for 20 minutes, his loudly irate friend with her dog with...
View ArticleTrumper Sticker [Hey, You!]
On the northbound 405, around the 55 interchange, you were driving a silver sedan sporting the first "IMPEACH TRUMP" bumper sticker I've seen. I sped up to pull even with you so I could give you a...
View ArticleDissed Abled [Hey, You!]
You're the person who has a handicap placard hanging from the mirror of your Tesla. WTF are you doing parking in MY non-handicap space, when there are two empty handicapped spaces directly in front of...
View ArticleEveryday Superhero [Hey, You!]
You are the man dressed in the Superman hoodie, standing outside an apartment complex in the morning. As my daughters and I pass by each weekday morning on our way to school drop-offs, we look for you....
View ArticleKeep On Tramping [Hey, You!]
You are the possibly schizophrenic homeless guy who carries his belongings in a large sack and who passes my house at least once or twice per day. Occasionally, I hear you screaming in the alley, but...
View ArticleMexican-Hating Handicap [Hey, You!]
You're the editor who never should have wasted ink nor paper on the recent Hey, You! titled "Dissed Abled." It's obvious you don't have any handicapped people at your newspaper. I believe the person...
View Article(S)Hitler [Hey, You!]
You are the worker who scribbles racist taunts inside the Porta-Potty at our construction site after stinking it up with your Trump turds. "Bye, bye, illegal Mexicans!" you wrote with a black Sharpie....
View ArticleWake Up, Pull Over [Hey, You!]
We were parked in front of the local elementary school when we heard the siren. Cars moved out of the way as best as they could on the narrow two-lane road, but not you. You kept going forward, as...
View ArticleClose Encounters of the Turd Kind [Hey, You!]
I'm the neighbor who dutifully picks up the shit my dog leaves on your lawns. If I notice poop from other dogs within arm's reach, I add that to my waste bag as well. YOU are the neighbors who allow...
View ArticleChristmas Sushi [Hey, You!]
It was really nice to see your sushi place near the Newport pier still open and brightly lit on Christmas Eve, when it seemed the whole town was otherwise already dark and closed up. I'd been craving...
View ArticleTrumpy Claus [Hey, You!]
More than an hour before the holiday boat parade was to start, the Dana Point Harbor parking lot was overflowing, with a line of cars waiting to get in. It looked as if my car was blocked by a parked...
View ArticleFree Joe [Hey, You!]
You are the person who was working the drive-through speaker system at a coffee shop on a particularly busy weekday morning. I was probably stuck behind six or seven cars, with at least that many...
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