Adios, Amiga [Hey, You!]
You are the former friend I recently reconnected with after not speaking to you for three years. Didn't take me long to find out you are still a self-pitying, negative person who thinks the world...
View Article'Tis the Season [Hey, You!]
I was the single mom who got my car towed from my Lake Forest condo parking lot at 10:30 p.m. You were the employee at an Irvine tow yard who tried to get the $300 fee lowered and listened to me plead...
View ArticleFact Checking [Hey, You!]
After reading the Hey, You! titled "Five Seconds to the Apocalypse," I am compelled to respond. There was a very interesting fact left out: Was the turn being made a left or right? This is important to...
View ArticleNice Trim [Hey, You!]
I had been growing my hair for Locks of Love, to help children with cancer. I stopped by your barber shop in Fullerton and told you I wanted just a trim since I need to have at least 12 inches of hair...
View ArticleHiya, Kids! [Hey, You!]
You are my co-worker, and I like you a lot, but you insist on keeping a creepy, old and tattered doll on your desk that I can see every time I sit down. It's some kind of old TV-show guy from the...
View ArticleUnfrigerator [Hey, You!]
You are a Santa Ana used-appliance store. I am the buyer of a reasonably priced refrigerator that looked way too good to be true. It was. Even though you insisted I call you should something go wrong,...
View ArticleJanky Toes [Hey, You!]
You were at the nail salon on New Year's Eve getting your janky toes done. Everything that came out of your mouth was rude. "I don't think you painted the toe next to my pinkie toe well. Can you redo...
View ArticleHiya, Kids! [Hey, You!]
You are my co-worker, and I like you a lot, but you insist on keeping a creepy, old and tattered doll on your desk that I can see every time I sit down. It's some kind of old TV-show guy from the...
View ArticleNo Cookies for You [Hey, You!]
We tell our Girl Scouts to be polite and respectful when selling cookies door to door, to thank the people who answer the door whether or not they buy a box. Your wife pressed her face to the large...
View ArticleBlind Biker [Hey, You!]
You're the middle-aged jackass on a motorcycle in full leather regalia that was too impatient to drive like a normal person on the narrow streets of UC Irvine, so you decided to pass slower moving cars...
View ArticleUnfrigerator [Hey, You!]
You are a Santa Ana used-appliance store. I am the buyer of a reasonably priced refrigerator that looked way too good to be true. It was. Even though you insisted I call you should something go wrong,...
View ArticleSlurred Slurs [Hey, You!]
You came to our show ready to have some fun. You looked like a boxer in a rented tux; your date was dressed to the nines in a black dress with silver sparkles. You were the last to leave the dining...
View ArticleMr. Sandmen [Hey, You!]
You were the two men filling sandbags on Water Street in Orange on a deluge-soaked day, there in an effort to save the contents of a warehouse you worked in. I had arrived with my shovel in hand and...
View ArticleEnough Water? [Hey, You!]
You were the young man who asked me where the ice machine was located as I walked back to my room at a beautiful Hawaiian resort. Having been there a week and loving my happy hour, I knew where they...
View ArticleSlurred Slurs [Hey, You!]
You came to our show ready to have some fun. You looked like a boxer in a rented tux; your date was dressed to the nines in a black dress with silver sparkles. You were the last to leave the dining...
View ArticleChrist Is Not a Crutch [Hey, You!]
You are the judgmental, insufferable "Christian" friend I've known for the past few years whom I recently lost as a result of my honesty. You've always presented your life as a testament to the...
View ArticleGet Out! [Hey, You!]
You are the underhanded, back-stabbing, bottom-dwelling bitch who I used to think was my friend. When you first came to my apartment with your bags in tow, I was already living with a man—not one I was...
View ArticleChrist Is Not a Crutch [Hey, You!]
You are the judgmental, insufferable "Christian" friend I've known for the past few years whom I recently lost as a result of my honesty. You've always presented your life as a testament to the...
View ArticleGym Hog [Hey, You!]
You were the short man at the gym who spent half an hour "using" just about all the workout equipment in one long, selfish circuit. Not even the sit-up bench was available because you just had to do...
View ArticleYour Dog Bites, and So Do You [Hey, You!]
You were the woman walking her dog on Ocean Boulevard in Long Beach this morning. You had earphones on and were staring at your screen, so you didn't appear to notice me as I walked two of my own dogs....
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